Wanted Dead or Alive...

Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"

Mario Kart 64
"One foot on the brake and one on the gas.
There's too much traffic, I can't pass..."

The "letters" section has always been a favorite part of any publication.

Even material written ages ago can be entertaining (which is why I hate to throw out old mags).

Skimming through a time capsule of old video game trivia and discoveries submitted by readers.

And while it's fun to get posters, panties (WTF?), and copies of Perfect Dark Zero, anything sent to the old mailboxes will no longer be received.

Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"
https://deterest.blogspot.com/p/mailbag-55.html

RE: No Subject MAILBAG #55 "CAN'T DRIVE 55" Decided to post a few coherent messages from the old mailbox... (Anyone still reading really does deserve a good thrashing!)

This bag of mail touches on Perfect Dark, TimeSplitters 2, Super Smash Bros, and of course perennial favorite GoldenEye 007.

Best letter wins a rare photo of Natalya in a bikini, "signed" by former President Clinton.
(Already sealed in a bag and chucked in the mail because I sure as hell don't want it!)


Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"
https://deterest.blogspot.com/p/mailbag-55.html

Twilight Delight...

A Short Stack of Cheesecake

Impish little Midna is a mysterious character who helps (and taunts) Link in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

She has her own agenda, but even though she starts to feel like an ally, you have no idea who or what she is...

Despite her bossy nature, she's a cute little thing. She often gets on your nerves (although she's nowhere near as annoying as Navi the fairy from Ocarina of Time).






Trolling the internet from some memorable quotes on the subject...

"Midna is a character in the game The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, released on November 19th, 2006, for the Nintendo Wii.

A mysterious, imp-like creature that accompanies Link throughout the game... She proved to be very popular among fans, sparking multiple fan art iterations.

She is often credited with planting the seeds of the fetish for shortstacks in the minds of many people, as said in the meme by Funnyjunk user heroedelavida, posted on April 6th, 2021"

-knowyourmemes.com

"Aside from obligatory coverings to keep her decent, she's not wearing a whole lot of clothing...
There are multiple gratuitous butt shots in the cutscene where you first meet her alone"

-PaperSplash



"...if Nakano didn't want people to thirst over Midna, he wouldn't give her hips are wider than her shoulders"

-BlueVanLock



Yusuke Nakano is a long-time illustrator at Nintendo, mostly known for his work in the art of The Legend of Zelda series. He has worked for the company since 1992. He creates the artwork for many Nintendo published video games, or at least helps supervise the creation of art.
-Nintendo | Fandom



"I mean, the camera gets pretty focused on her and the way she rubs up against Link."
-Lizuka



"Actually, Midna does make a high-pitched, slightly suggestive squeal/yelp when you dash."
-HyrulianGod



"I press the dash button as wolf link to hear Midna yelp."
https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2067447-shortstack"

While I doubt the merchandise is authentic, also stumbled upon this intriguing cosplay bodysuit.



In conclusion, anyone who finds it erotic to watch a scantly clad female prancing about obviously knows how to put the Internet to good use. When regular women eventually get replaced by AI females, we'll look back on moments like this as turning points...

Dusting Off A Classic (The Clean Machine)

NES We Forget...

The good 'ol Nintendo Entertainment System was definitely in need of a good cleaning - Something I'd never actually done.

(Aside from the standard "blow into the cartridge" that Nintendo always warned us not to do)














Getting the NES to load a game was like playing roulette….


A persisting “blinking red light” with the screen flashing bright and dark…. More often than not, the games refused to load.

“I've got such a bad case of dust contamination, I can barely move!"

For this NES-cessary detailing job (that apparently also includes bad puns), opted to use a vacuum nozzle to suck out as much of the dust & debris (aka. carbon scoring) as possible (from both the system and the games).


Used a third party (non-Nintendo approved) system cleaning solution (basically rubbing alcohol).
(Forget exactly what percentage is recommended, but apparently stronger is better – and will evaporate quicker).
Actually found an old third party (SNES) cleaning kit within my collection.

A hobby buddy had given me an old SMB cart that he uses for cleaning. Said to soak a Q-Tip in alcohol (I started off by using it sparingly) and slosh it around both sides of the chip. Dust has settled on the contact points due to lack of use.

Insert the game a a bunch of times (unplugging the power first!) and let it dry completely.

Took a few repetitions of this treatment to really loosen and remove most of the debris, but at least I can reliably get it to boot up and load a game.



As for the games themselves, they can also be cleaned.
After a good wipedown with a solution-soaked Q-Tip, left the game cart out with the chip towards a fan for the afternoon. Probably being over cautious, but I don't want to risk electrical shock (nor ruin any of these classics!)



Allowing the machine to run more and more, even managed to keep it alive for an entire afternoon.
Slightest bump or knock to the shelf and it’s game over – The system will usually flicker and reset itself.


These games truly are collector’s items.
However, to enjoy a proper playthru of a game I normally opt to play an Emulator just for increased reliability.

“With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazing we're in as good condition as we are”

More Stuff on Unlocking Invincible...

Most players are simply relieved to unlock the Invincible Cheat in GoldenEye 007.
(Also known as the Achievement "I am Invincible!")

Speedrunners will forever attempt to find new ways to finish the Facility mission in the fastest possible time.
Sometimes it's an experiment, or it happens unintentionally.

The evolution of the optimal "best route" has changed with the history of the game.

Still continue to be amazed at how GoldenEye seems to have an everlasting sense of  "I didn't know the game could do that!".


For the actual Strategy pages for Facility 00 Agent, see Blog Posts:
Speedrun For Invincible and Earning Invincible - It's Infuriating!

Magazine Clip...

The Invincibility Cheat was so notoriously difficult to earn that a "detailed briefing" walkthru appeared in Nintendo Power magazine more than a year after the release of the game.

Yet another "scanned document" from the GoldenEye 007 collection.

Page Scan from Nintendo Power #113
(October 1998)

With the Internet still in its' infancy, this was crucial information.

The primitive videos were grainy and pixelated - But the information was well received by the 00 Agents who desperately needed it.

Even though the strategy I ultimately adopted was completely different than this one, it still blew my mind and made you approach the game in a different way.

Watched a bunch of videos, and tried out some of the tricks.
Every player has different abilities, so borrow the ones that work best.

For the actual Strategy pages for Facility 00 Agent, see Blog Posts:
Speedrun For Invincible and Earning Invincible - It's Infuriating!

More Power...

Just for fun, the monthly video game ranking from October 1998. Not surprisingly, GoldenEye is still at the top of the N64 list, after apparently 22 months on the chart...


(Meanwhile, the SNES chart remained unchanged from the previous month)

Nintendo Power Charts
Volume #113
(October 1998)

Mission Impossible was also just out, and it captured some brief interest. It was a a hectic period, where hot new games were always appearing. It would take The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time to finally budge Bond from occupying the top spot.

Quotes from other issues:

"Since October 1997, Bond has dominated the top spot..."

"GoldenEye spent all of 1998 in the number one position..."

Head Hunting...

"Call Me Jaded"

Just a brief mention of GoldenEye 007 in Nintendo Power Issue #108 (May 1998).

(incidentally, Ken Griffey Junior was also on the cover of NP #84 and NP#59)

Less than a year after the release of our beloved GoldenEye 007...

NP magazine was as campy as 1960s Batman (or even Batman & Robin starring George Clooney).

Their monthly feature "Classified Information" was no exception.
Newly discovered tips & tricks for "older" games tended to take a backseat to "newer" stuff.











By now the "64 Characters Code" is widespread knowledge - (does anyone even play GoldenEye via game cartridge anymore?)

In the summer of 1998, GoldenEye was still one of the hottest games.
Rumors were infiltrating the internet at a time when codes and secrets still spread by word of mouth...
Or occasionally appearing in print - In a very "rare" example like this:



In addition to all the guards you get from completing the Cradle mission, it's basically just a bunch of guys in Bond suits.

"Aaahh! It's Rosika, the killer cleaning lady! Run! Run like the wind"

Other ten-step button codes would be discovered (and abused) years later.




Also from that NP issue:
Article from E3 featuring "Zelda 64" (before it had an official title):

Game Over for Nintendo Power

A few final thoughts on the end of Nintendo Power  magazine, a publication that lasted for nearly a quarter century. It's sad that many people seem to have a "Good Riddance to Nintendo Power" attitude.

Sure, anything in print tends to be considered obsolete nowadays. But it kinda bugs me that people are so quick to not only care that Nintendo Power is gone, but to actually be happy about it's demise.

Obviously countless subscribers were lost due to the internet, with the abundance of free guides and walkthrus. It's hard to compete with that. Especially since NP was asking $20 for a year. That's $1.66 per issue. Can't even buy a pad of paper for that... Plus you got to choose a free Players' Guide, which is good to have on hand if you're playing with friends who are new to a game.

Another phrase that's been used to describe the magazine is "thinly veiled advertising". What can be expected from a magazine published by Nintendo? New game reviews tended to be biased, but I really didn't care. I just took it for what it was... A free player's guide, and a thick stack of video game screenshots, previews and newly released games every month. Not to mention the cool artwork and posters.

I haven't subscribed to the magazine in well over a decade, and the last issues I received tended to cater mostly towards the 10-13 year old audience... Still, I somehow think the world needs quirky monthly magazines like this one.