Wanted Dead or Alive...

Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"

Mario Kart 64
"One foot on the brake and one on the gas.
There's too much traffic, I can't pass..."

The "letters" section has always been a favorite part of any publication.

Even material written ages ago can be entertaining (which is why I hate to throw out old mags).

Skimming through a time capsule of old video game trivia and discoveries submitted by readers.

And while it's fun to get posters, panties (WTF?), and copies of Perfect Dark Zero, anything sent to the old mailboxes will no longer be received.

Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"
https://deterest.blogspot.com/p/mailbag-55.html

RE: No Subject MAILBAG #55 "CAN'T DRIVE 55" Decided to post a few coherent messages from the old mailbox... (Anyone still reading really does deserve a good thrashing!)

This bag of mail touches on Perfect Dark, TimeSplitters 2, Super Smash Bros, and of course perennial favorite GoldenEye 007.

Best letter wins a rare photo of Natalya in a bikini, "signed" by former President Clinton.
(Already sealed in a bag and chucked in the mail because I sure as hell don't want it!)


Mailbag #55: "Can't Drive 55"
https://deterest.blogspot.com/p/mailbag-55.html

Trading Post...

Prehistoric Toy Store

Scan from Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
Volume 1, Issue #2
Valiant Comics
(1993)

Re-visiting the Turok Dinosaur Hunter Comic collected last year.

[Previous Post: Treasures From The Jurassic Era...]


I try to roll with the seasons.

Definitely looking forward to huge summer junk sales, cautiously optimistic that I might cross paths with some treasure.

Critically Acclaimed

Apparently there were 53 issues of Turok published.

From the Amazon description:

"Turok forms an unseasy alliance with a drug lord."

What's not to like about a book that features guns, whiskey and drug lords?

Dino... Droppings?

Picked up my own copy from a guy who had dozens of them for $1.
Presumably, the monetary value is quite low - But the entertainment value was surprisingly high.

Being recognized often seems to just cause more problems...
Can definitely relate to Turok venturing into civilization.

Scan from Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
Volume 1, Issue #2
Valiant Comics
(1993)

Twilight Delight...

A Short Stack of Cheesecake

Impish little Midna is a mysterious character who helps (and taunts) Link in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

She has her own agenda, but even though she starts to feel like an ally, you have no idea who or what she is...

Despite her bossy nature, she's a cute little thing. She often gets on your nerves (although she's nowhere near as annoying as Navi the fairy from Ocarina of Time).






Trolling the internet from some memorable quotes on the subject...

"Midna is a character in the game The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, released on November 19th, 2006, for the Nintendo Wii.

A mysterious, imp-like creature that accompanies Link throughout the game... She proved to be very popular among fans, sparking multiple fan art iterations.

She is often credited with planting the seeds of the fetish for shortstacks in the minds of many people, as said in the meme by Funnyjunk user heroedelavida, posted on April 6th, 2021"

-knowyourmemes.com

"Aside from obligatory coverings to keep her decent, she's not wearing a whole lot of clothing...
There are multiple gratuitous butt shots in the cutscene where you first meet her alone"

-PaperSplash



"...if Nakano didn't want people to thirst over Midna, he wouldn't give her hips are wider than her shoulders"

-BlueVanLock



Yusuke Nakano is a long-time illustrator at Nintendo, mostly known for his work in the art of The Legend of Zelda series. He has worked for the company since 1992. He creates the artwork for many Nintendo published video games, or at least helps supervise the creation of art.
-Nintendo | Fandom



"I mean, the camera gets pretty focused on her and the way she rubs up against Link."
-Lizuka



"Actually, Midna does make a high-pitched, slightly suggestive squeal/yelp when you dash."
-HyrulianGod



"I press the dash button as wolf link to hear Midna yelp."
https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2067447-shortstack"

While I doubt the merchandise is authentic, also stumbled upon this intriguing cosplay bodysuit.



In conclusion, anyone who finds it erotic to watch a scantly clad female prancing about obviously knows how to put the Internet to good use. When regular women eventually get replaced by AI females, we'll look back on moments like this as turning points...

SMB2: Hittin' Up The Slots...

Mario Develops a Serious Gambling Addiction!

A memorable part of Super Mario Bros. 2 is the slot machine aka. "Bonus Chance".

The minigame appears between levels, allowing the player to win Extra Lives.

A collection of notes & screenshots transformed into a relatively deep dive of this Super Mario Bros. 2 minigame, with a separate page for each version of the game:

SMB2: Bonus Chance (Original NES)
SMB2: Bonus Chance (SNES All-Star)


There are slight variations between the original (1988) and Super Mario All-Stars (1993) versions.

Slot icons are also livened up in Super Mario All-Stars (making Mario feel like he's in Vegas).
Prizes are also more generous in the updated version.



Risking life and limb - For a chance at a few extra lives!

Carry the Magic Potion to places where tufts of grass can be found.
Pull the grass to get rewarded with tokens to play the minigame.
Hit the terminal with a fistfull of coins to better your odds of making out like a bandit.


Each coin gathered during the level is worth a pull at the machine.
With some luck, several coins can net you a few lives.


Hit up the machine with a pile of change and walk away with more lives than a cat.


Surprisingly fun and addictive. As you memorize the locations to gather potential coins, learn better timing and memorize the prizes, the odds can only shift in your favor.

It's a combination of skill and luck, but it still helps to know the stakes.

Full Pages:

SMB2: Bonus Chance (Original NES)
SMB2: Bonus Chance (SNES All-Star)

Two Much Fun...

Refusing to Get a Life

SMB2 (All-Stars Version)

Attempting another playthu of oldschool classic Super Mario Bros. 2.
(A feat I haven't accomplished since the 1990s)

SMB2 (NES)

Bouncing back and forth between the original SMB2 (1988) and the Super Mario All-Stars version (1993).

The original game offered just 2 lives to start.

SMB2 (All-Stars Version)

Of course the Super Mario All-Stars version is more forgiving to make it more fun.
Five lives to start the game with, plus the ability to select a new character if you die.
Each level can become a bit of a team effort as each character utilizes their strengths.













Had a decent run on the slot machine...
Those extra lives quickly depleted by a fortress maze full of "Sparks".

Still, managed to push further into this game than I have in decades.
Certainly don't remember the game being this challenging - Or maybe I was just a hell of a lot more patient.

SMB2 is a tad different than its' Mario brethren...
Gotta re-train a few compulsive Mario habits.

Can no longer squash enemies as if they were Goombas - Instead, it's best to throw vegetables at them (or throw baddies at each other).






Looking back at the game now, elements like climbing the side-by-side length of chains has a Donkey Kong Junior feel...















Other parts of Super Mario Bros. 2 may even feel like precursors to Donkey Kong Country...

Girl On Top!

Her Favorite Position...

Joanna Dark maintains her death grip on the top spot, absolutely dominating the Star Charts for the second month in a row.

Seems the Perfect Dark pages restored last winter are being put to good use. Players still continue to look up a game that's 25 years old (some of them possibly even younger than the game itself?).

That random sack of GoldenEye mail caused much amusement...
(As does the quest for Invincibility and desire for god-like powers)

STAR CHARTS " Joanna Gives The Boys a Good Thrashing! " Game System Released 1 Perfect Dark N64 2000 2 Super Mario Bros. 3 NES 1990 3 GoldenEye 007 N64 1997 4 Super Mario Bros. NES 1985 5 Donkey Kong Country 2 SNES 1995 Oldschool Super Mario also makes a comeback on the Charts, and he's just happy to be at the party. Ever-popular James Bond might be feeling a bit snubbed, hanging out at the bar and knocking back another Vodka Martini.

Dusting Off A Classic (The Clean Machine)

NES We Forget...

The good 'ol Nintendo Entertainment System was definitely in need of a good cleaning - Something I'd never actually done.

(Aside from the standard "blow into the cartridge" that Nintendo always warned us not to do)














Getting the NES to load a game was like playing roulette….


A persisting “blinking red light” with the screen flashing bright and dark…. More often than not, the games refused to load.

“I've got such a bad case of dust contamination, I can barely move!"

For this NES-cessary detailing job (that apparently also includes bad puns), opted to use a vacuum nozzle to suck out as much of the dust & debris (aka. carbon scoring) as possible (from both the system and the games).


Used a third party (non-Nintendo approved) system cleaning solution (basically rubbing alcohol).
(Forget exactly what percentage is recommended, but apparently stronger is better – and will evaporate quicker).
Actually found an old third party (SNES) cleaning kit within my collection.

A hobby buddy had given me an old SMB cart that he uses for cleaning. Said to soak a Q-Tip in alcohol (I started off by using it sparingly) and slosh it around both sides of the chip. Dust has settled on the contact points due to lack of use.

Insert the game a a bunch of times (unplugging the power first!) and let it dry completely.

Took a few repetitions of this treatment to really loosen and remove most of the debris, but at least I can reliably get it to boot up and load a game.



As for the games themselves, they can also be cleaned.
After a good wipedown with a solution-soaked Q-Tip, left the game cart out with the chip towards a fan for the afternoon. Probably being over cautious, but I don't want to risk electrical shock (nor ruin any of these classics!)



Allowing the machine to run more and more, even managed to keep it alive for an entire afternoon.
Slightest bump or knock to the shelf and it’s game over – The system will usually flicker and reset itself.


These games truly are collector’s items.
However, to enjoy a proper playthru of a game I normally opt to play an Emulator just for increased reliability.

“With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazing we're in as good condition as we are”

All Systems Go!

Fired Up About a Classic…

Thought I'd had four Nintendo systems over the years - It's actually been FIVE:
NES, SNES, N64, GCN and Wii.

So which one was more fun?
Really feel the N64 hit the sweet spot.

But for me, the old Nintendo Entertainment System is where it all began.

Although I can play any of my classic favorites on an Emluator, there's something rewarding in owning and maintaining the old NES.

Despite much frustration, actually enjoyed "restoring" my old NES to working condition.
(Somehow I feel that if I don't get it working every five years or so, it may never run again)



It’s fun to tinker with the old console and get it operational.
Normally takes a bit of fiddling (and cursing) to get her running halfway decent.

A few hints of life, couple musical notes of a game, and then a crash / freeze.
Finally, the glitchy pixels came through...



Fuzzy at first, with the game graphics all glitched up.


The longer you keep the game on, it almost seems to "burn off" some of the fuzz or dust. The graphics get less buggy and eventually the screen returns to the way it should.



Messing with the old system is literally something I found myself doing on a rainy day.
The trill of getting it working (yet again!) seemed to give a spark of excitement when it finally booted up.



Got it to run exactly FOUR times that afternoon.

First game I got to load was Super Mario Bros 2. The console wasn't doing much at first, so I was basically swapping things out and SMB2 was just the game that I grabbed.


After it froze a few times, decided to try Mario 3. Also loaded with fuzzy graphics and a few freeze-ups / crashes, but had it humming along for the better part of an hour.

When a game has been working and suddenly freezes, I find it best to gently hit the reset button instead of power.


Just taking the old NES for a spin around the block for nostalgia’s sake.
Like an old car, it’s not reliable enough for a road trip… But it's still fun to take it for a joyride.

Can't Rush Perfection...

Mario is Missing!

Little Miss Dark manages to usurp Super Mario!
How can this be?

Possibly because of an unplanned side-project, the Perfect Dark N64 Blog which quietly debuted last year.
perfectdarkn64.blogspot.com

Much of the content is not to be taken seriously - But many of the cheat codes, unlockables, secrets and walkthru pages have been restored.

STAR CHARTS " Because The Best   Video Games Came Out Last Century! " Game System Released 1 Perfect Dark N64 2000 2 Super Mario Bros. 3 NES 1990 3 GoldenEye 007 N64 1997 4 Donkey Kong Country 2 SNES 1995 5 Super Mario All-Stars SNES 1993 Despite the enduring popularity of Super Mario Bros 3, the NES classic gets bumped down one spot as Agent 007 hides in the basement shadows.